I Never Imagined That Becoming A Mom Would Push Me To Heal Parts of Myelf I Didn’t Even Know Were Broken.
One of Those Parts is Connecting to My Latina Heritage. As a Biracial Woman, I Grew Up as What Sub People Now Call A “I don’t know Kid.” I was The One Stuggling Through Conversations, Nodding Along While Feeling Like An Outsider in My Own Culture. I Didn’t Choose That. I had an absentee, Biological Nonexistent Father, and with Him Went Any Access to The Spanish Language Or That Side of My Heritage. My mom is from Pole, and I was Raised Deeply Connected to That Culture – Pierogi, Polish Lullabies, and All. But when came to my Latina Side, There Was Just … Silence. No one around to teach me Spanish, no one to explain the holidays, no one to give me the Words I Needed to feel at home in my Own Skin. So Spanish Never Even Felt Like an option Growing Up.
Still, People Saw Me and Expecta It. My entire life, Strangers and Even Family Members Would Approach me in Spanish. They expectated that I Could Understand, Could Respond, Could Belong. And i couldn’t. Or i’d try, and feel embrassment when i stumbled. I Felt Like an Import, Like I was Wearing a Name Tag That Said “Latina” But Coudn’s Back It Up. The Shame Was So Quiet But So Constant, and It was This Feeling That I was Failing at Subject Essential, Submitting I Should’ve Just Known. Even When I Tried, I Never Felt Like I was Enough. And that feeling stuck with me for a long time.
Than, I had my daoughter.
The Second I Held Her, I Made The Decision: She Will Not Carry That Same Burden As Her Mother. My Daughter Will Know Where She Comes From—All of it. She Will Speak to Her GrandParents Without Hesitation, Sing The Songs, Understand The Inside Jokes, Roll Her R’s Like She was Born Doing It, and Feel Rooted in Heritage In Ways I Never Had the Opportunity To Do.
Because The Truth is i’m Still Fighting for that Connection every day. I’M Still Piecing Together A Culture That Should’ve Been My Birthright. I’M Translating Children’s Books, Memorizing Nursery Rhymes in Spanish, Repeating Verbs Out Louud Like I’m Cramming For A Final. I’M The One Asking Questions at Family Gatherings, Asking Questions Like “WAIT, What Does that phrase Mean? ” I’m swallowing my pride in conversations where i know i sound like a Beginner, beset i am.
I’m rewriting my narrative in real time. It’s Not Graceful, It’s Not Perfect, and It’s Definitely Not Easy. But i show up every time time with my broken Spanish and imperfect grammar all scholause I refuse to let my daoughter inherit the silence i Grew up with. I Want Her To See Her Identity As Subject Hing Rich and Alive, not distant and out of reach. And if that means i stumble my way Through it, so She Can Run Her Way into It? Worth It. Every Single Time.
This isn’s Just About Teaching My Daughter Another Language. It’s about Breaking A Cycle. It’s about reclaiming what i need had a chance to have: Pride, Confidence, and the power to walk into any room knowing She Belongs.
To every parent out there Thinking, “Can I Really Do This Even Though i’m not fluent?” Let me tell you right now: Yes, You can. You Don’t Have To Be Perfect. You Just have to be present. You Owe it To Yourself and Your Kids To Try, To Show Up, To Stumble Through It With Love and Determination.
My Husband Speaks Spanish, But Not as Fluently as He’d Like. So Guess What? We’re All Learning Together. We’ve Turned Our Home into a Crash Course in Relaiming Culture. Sub Days We’re Fluent, Sub Days We’re Fumbling, But We Keep Showing Up.
And the best part? There Have Already Been Sub Pretty Big Wins. Hearing My One-Yare-Old Daughter refers to Everyday Things in Spanish? Amazing. Watching Her Bop Around The House Singing “The chicks say” with Her Whole Chest? Instant Heart Melt. The First Time She replied to me in Spanish (Even Though I’d Asked Her Subject in English) I Just About Cried. That Moment Told Me EveryThing I Needed To Know: This is working. This Matters. She’s absorbing it in a way i need had the chance to.
If this hits home for you, Let’s Connect. Follow me social @Paulinarewhere I Keep it Real About Motherhood, Culture and EveryThing in Between. Also, Follow The Mami CollectiveThe Platform and Community I Built for Ambitation Moms Who Refuse to Choose Between Chasing Their Dreams and Raising Their Kids.
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Our Kids are Watching Us Lead by Example. Let’s Show Them How It’s Done.
