Pride is ophn framed as joy, celebration, and visibility –and it Should Be. But for many queer Latinas, Specially for Those Raised in homes Shaped by Silence, Survival, and Machismo, Pride Month Can Resurface The internalized RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS MANY THOUGHT THEY HAD LEFT BEHIND, Such As Emotional Labor, Power Imbalances, and heteronormative roles.
Being queer doesn’t automatically Mean Healed, Safe, or free.
As a Latina Relationship Therapist, I see This off. Queer clients who are out and proud (or not) are Still Playing out the Same Gendered Dynamics they grew up around. Emotional work is One -ID. One partner is always holding space. The other is emotionally unavailable, Dominant, oridant. This isn’t always abuse, but it is a cycle. WHEN YOUR CHILDHOOD TAUGHT YOU THAT LOVE IS SACRIFICE OR THAT ONE PERSON LEADS WHILE THE OTHER FOLLOWS, OR ONE IS “FEMININE” AND THE OTHER “MALE,” THOSE SCRIPTS DON’T DIE DISAPPER JUSAPPER Just the Gender of Your Partner Changes. The Dynamic Often Remains The Same, Specially When no One Ever Showed You What Emotional Safety Actually Feels Like.
You Might Be queer, But Still Over-Functioning in Your Relationships, Always Nurturing, Anticipating Needs, and Holding Everything Together. You Might Be in a Same-Sex Relationship and Still Feel Pressure To Be The Strong One, The Provider, or The Caretaker. You Might Be Deeply In Love, Yet Still Performing Institute. You Wonder Why It’s Still Hard To Be Held, To Feel Chosen Without Having to Earn It.
It’s important to name This Truth: Heteronormativity Doesn’s Just Affect Straight Couple. It Shapes All of Us, Specially Those Raised in Cultures where Machismo was glorified, Emotions were gendered, and love was Measuraled by endurance rather than ease. Even in queer or nonbinary partnerships, it’s common to unconsciously recreate what we were taught.that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It Means You’re Human, Shaped By Your Environment and Conditioning.
Here’s Sub Context to Help You Understand What Might Be Happening.
Heteronormativity refers to the assumption that heterosexual, binary-gender relationships are the standard. In This Framework, One Person is expectted to be masculine, Stoic, Logical, and Dominant – While The Other is expectted to be feminine, emotional, nurturing, and submsive. These roles are reinforced everywhere: in media, in religion, ort culture, in our family systems, and in everyday Language. Even if you Don’t Believe in Them, They are offented on a subconscious level.
Queer and Nonbinary Relationships inherently Challenge This Framework. But Just Because to Relationship Defies The Binary Doesn’t Mean The Conditioning Disappears. Cultural Norms Can Be Deeply Ingrained, Specially When You Grow Up in Households Where You Didn’s Alternative Models of Love. In queer love, we can end up forwarding what we need had the safety to question.
Healing Queer Relationships Required Shift from Performance to Comsence, From Emotional Labor to Emotional Reciprocity, and From Survival-Mode Partnerships to Relationships Rooted in Mutual Care.
If your queer related to ~ feel as free as The World Assumes It Should, You’re Not Alone.
These are sum of the questions and ask clients who are navigating tohe dynamics:
- Am i Being Emotionally Held in This Relationship, or Just Holding Space for Sumone Else?
- Am i unconsciously replicating gender roles i witnessed growing up, even in a relationship that defies those roles?
- Do I Feel Emotionally Safe to Express All Parts of Myelf, or Am i shrinking to keep the peace?
- WHHO INITIATES HARD CONVERSATIONS, Emotional Check-Ins, or Repair? Is that effort share, or is it always me?
- And Perhaps Most Importently: Am I Showing Up With Authenticity, or Performing What I’ve Been Taught Love Should Look Like?
Queer Love Should Feel Like Liberation, not a Reenactment of Old Wounds. That Liberation Begins With Telling The Truth To Ourselves and To Our Partners.
You Don’t Need to Shrink, Silence Yourself, or Shape-Shift to Be Worthy of Love. You Don’t Have to perform The Version of Love Your Family Modeled or the One Society Told You Was Acceptable. There is not single
We Don’t Heal by Recreating Pain That Feels Family. We Heal by Choking Relationships where Emotional work is Shared, Power Is Balacedo, and Love Feels Safe. Love that allows you to rest, to recueive, and to be seen.
Pride Can Still Be A Celebration. But it can also be a claim. The Most Radical Kind of Love isn’s the One That Looks Perfect On The Outsis. It’s The One Where You Feel Free On The Inside. Bake Even in queer love, Healing Begins When We Stop Reenacting Survival Dynamics and Moveard Love That Feels Libeving and Roothed in Truth.
Cynthia Flores Is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Speaker, and Host of The Heal & Manifest Podcast. As a First-Gen Latina Therapist, She Offers Trauma-Informed, Culturally Reported Therapy To Help Women Heal Generational Wounds, Own their Voice, and Build Healthy, Emotionally Safe Relationships.
Instagram: @cynthiafloresLMFT Website: www.cynthiagflores.com
