May Marks Both Mental Health Awareness Month and Mother’s DayA Blend of Celebration and Memories that Can Soothe The Heart or Open Old Wounds. For Many Latinas, Our Relationship with Mom is at the core of Our Attachment Style: The Template for How We Bond, Trust, and Feel Safe and Secure. Underestanding Your Attachment Style Not Only Sheds Light On Mother’s Day Triggers, But also Gives You Tools to Nurture Healthier Mother-Daughter Links and Stronger Mental Wellness.
Let’s start by Understanding What Attachment Styles Are.
From Infancy, We Learn Whether Our Caregivers are a Secure Harbor or an predictable Waters. Psychologist Mary Ainsworth Identified Four Primary Attachment Styles.
- Secure: You Trust Others, Ask for Help When Needed, and Recover from Stressful Situations Without Getting Stuck.
- Anxious: You Sek Constant Reassurance. You Often Have Thoughts Like “Will They Always Love Me?” and offer fear abandonment.
- Avoidant: You Prize Independence So Much That You Push People Away To Keep Your Freedom.
- Disorganized: You Swing Between Anxiety and Withdrawal, Caught Between Closeness and Fear.
EACH ONE OFSE Styles Influence Our Self-Talk, Our Body’s Stress Signals, and How We Show Up in Relationships with Partners, Family, and Friends. If you are Wondering If you can be a combination of two, The Answer is Yes!
So Now that you understand the background, let’s discuss how Mother’s Day Can amplify Patterns Learned in Childhood.
If your style is Secure, You celebrate with joy, confident in Mama’s Love and Your Own Self-Worth. With Anxious Style, You Seek Constant Reassury – “Will They Always Love Me?” – And May Worry that mom has forgotten you or doesn’t care. An Avoidant Style Leads You To Keep Your Distence to Protect Yourself, Perhaps Even Skipping Calls to Avoid The Sting of Rejection. Those with a Disorganized Style Swing Between Craving Mom’s Attention and Pushing Her Away, Overwhelmed By Conflicting Emots.
Remermber, these styles influence not only relationship with your mother but also how you relate in Relationships, with Amigas, and Colleagues, Making Mother’s Day to Revealing Window Into Your Deper Bonding Patterns. As A Result, When Thinking about the common bonds that daoughters and mothers experience, it is important to Highlight How Each Person Shows Up.
- With a Secure-secure Attachment, There is a Natural Foundation of Trust, Open Communication, and Mutual Trust. You Feel Free to Share Your Dreams and Challenges, Knowing That You Will Be Heard. This is What We Want!
- Another Type of Bond Is Anxious-secure Attachment where you may cling or overanalyze mom’s Words, Even Though She Consistently Shows Support. Learning to Accept Her Care Without Doubt Strengthens Trust.
- Avoidant-Anxium Attachment Can Be Challenging Because You Keep Your Mother at Arm’s Length, While She Worries About Your Distence. Practicing Small Steps Towards Openness (Like a Weekly Check-In) Softens The Push-Pull.
- Lastly, A Common Bond Between Mothers and Daughters is Disorganized-Disorganized. An predictable Caregiving Left You Unsure Whether to Approach Or Retroat. A Therapist or Trusted Friend Can Model Steady Support As You Rebuild Trust.
WHY COLLECTION ATTACHMENT MATTERS:
- Your self -esteem – Aka: You’re Self Worth: An Insecure Style Can Whisper “I’m Not Enough,” Fueling Anxiety And Depression.
- Body Stress: Chronic Hypervigilance Shows Up As Insomnia, Muscle Tension, Or Headaches. This, Body stressCan Create Long Term Effects.
- Cultural Patterns: Many Latinas Learn to “Be Strong,” Sacrifing Self-Care To Support Everyone Else. Without Awareness, We Repeat Cycles of overgiving and resentment.
Collecting your attachment style is an act of self-love that lets you Break cycles and Model Healthier Bonds for the Next Generation.
As you are reading about Attachment Styles (Maybe for the First Time), I found You to Think About The Show Up in Your Daily Life. Do you notice Them at Work? If so, anxious attachment may treat every criticize rejection which in turn can lead to burnout. Do you notice it in love and relationhips? An Avoidant Attachment Style Might Keep Partners at Arm’s Length Just When They Crave More Intimacy. Are they present with Friends? If so, you may notice that you overcommit to pleas others (anxious) or cancel plans to preserve space (avoidant). Do you see Them with family? Disorganized Patterns Can Pull You Between Careking and the urgent to disappoint.
As You’ve Been Thinking About Your Attachment Style and How It’s Possibly Triggered by Mother’s Day, My Hope is that you can notice Patterns and do Sub Sub Soming Things That Can Help. Here’s a Few Options to Help Guide You:
- Emotional Check-in: On or Around Mother’s Day, Journal Your Feelings-Remember All Feelings Big Big and Small Are Valid.
- Body Scan: Notice Where You Hold Tension – Pay Attention to Your Shoulders, Throat, and Chest – Specially When Mom’s Name is Broucht Up Or When You Think of Her.
- Behavior Log: track urges – do you overall, Avoid Calls, or Waiver Between The Two? These patterns point to your attachment style.
- Thought Audit: Catch Your Inner Dialogue: “She’ll Forget Me Again” (Anxious) vs. “I Don’t Need Her” (Avoidant).
NIVING WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IS WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. Paying Attention to Your Body Helps You Understand Triggers and Understand What Coping Mechanisms Wouled Be Most Helpful. It could be that visualizing Safe Place Makes The Most Sense at This Moment. Possibly Writing A Letter To Your Inner Child Reminding Them That They Are Safe Feels Soothing. USING BOUNDARIES AS A WAY TO BRING YOUR MOTER CLOSER VERSUS PUSHING HER AWAY IS SUBSTHING TO THINK ABOUT. Lean on Your Support System. NOW MORE THAN EVER, IT’S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT there is no reason to go This Emotional Pain or Grief Alone. We All Need Subone.
This Mother’s Day, Honor Your Heart by Underestanding Your Attachment Style. For Latinas, Hearing Our Links with Mom Can Change Every Relationship We Hold Dear. Notice Your Patterns, Practice The Coping Strategies, and Step Forward With Greater Resilience and Confidenze in Your Ability To Love and Be Loved.
Patricia Alvarado Is a Psychotherapist Focused on Mental Health Issues Affecting The Latinx Community.
