BEFORE I GAVE BIRTH TO MY GRACST CHILD, I FELT SO HOPEFUL THAT I WOLD BE AABLE TO Break Trauma Cycles and Forge My Own Path. But with that, came a lot of press. I’M The Only Girl in My Family and was The First of All My Sibles (and Still The Only) to Scholarship A Parent. My PREGNANCY Was Planned, But I was Young – Just 26 and Fairly New in My Career. I was confident in My Choices, but wanted to get it right, So Everyone Wouled See That Even Though I was Doing Things Differently, I Wasn’t Wrong for Not Following in Their Exact Footsteps. BREASTFEEDING, was One of Those Big Differences. I made the choice Early in my pregnancy to commit BreastfeedingSubmitting I Hadn’t Known Any of the Women in My Puerto Rican Family To Do.
My Grandmother, My Mom, and her Sisters Raised Kids in the ’60s,’ 70s, and ’80s in the United States, Where Childbirth and Infant Feeding Had Been Medicalized for decadesand Also Declined in Puerto Rico Between The ’60s and’ 80s. As for My Great Grandmother, I’M Sure She Breastfed for At Least A While Since My Grandmother was Born in Puerto Rico During a Time Most Women Did, But She DiD Ken Ken I was Too Young to Ask. Prior to the ’60s, It was the norm on the island, and our taíno and African ancets certainly wouled have breastfed their Babies. But, those things Never Crossed My Mind When I was Decing How I Wouled Feed My Baby.
I KNEW THAT INFATING FORMULA WAS ONE OF THE BIGESTE EXPENSES IN THE First Year of A BABY’S LIFE, AND WE DIDN’T HAV A LOT OF MONEY. I’d Only Been Working Full-Time As a Professional for About a Year and a Half and My Husband Was Still Figuring out His Career. If we wted to have a baby, we had to figure out ways to Afford it. And Well, I’M not cut out for cloth Diapering. Even with Our Limited Inome, We Were Still Above The National Poverty Line, So We Weren’s Choose For Any Kind of Government Assistance. I had to make breastfeeding work, and couldn’t see any reason why it was But of Course, I was a First-Time Mom and had no idea how complicated submisthing so natural could be.
I Spent Months Researching and Learning. There was no one in my family i could talk to that had experiences to share, so i pored over The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Milk League, A Non-Profit Dedicated to Education on and Advocacy For Breastfeeding. I also divided into blogs Who Had Successfully Breastfed their Babies and Also Tapped into My Own Community of Mamas.
WHEN THE TIME CAME, I had long work, but to Healthy, Safe Delivery. I decide to nurse on demand, and Most Days, That Meant Every Two Hours or So. As My Family Came to Visit, They Marveled at What I Was Doing. They Asked Questions and I was Happy to Be the Catalyst for Those Conversations. Everyone was So Supportive, and I Felt Grateful.
But Before My Son Was Even A Week Old, My Mama Heart Went into Panic Mode. We had gone to the pediatrician for a regular check up and found out he had lost Slightly More than the normal amount of weight in the Days Since His Birth. In my hormonal postpartum hace, and immedialy felt that i was Failing Him. So, Armed With Free Samples From The Doctor, I Started Supplementing With A Small Amount of Baby formulates Few Times to Day. Within to Few Days, He’d Gained The Weight Back and the Doctor Said We Could Stop Supplementing. As It Turned out, My Milk Came in the Night of That First Appaintment. It had take five days – A Bit Longer Than Avenge – But We Were Good To Go after that. Or so i thought.
As my maternity leave progressed, and pumped an ounce or two of breast milk a day in addition to nursing. My Frieza Filled, and My Baby Grew. Eventually though, I had to quit on-demand feeding. I Needed Sleep, Which Meant We Needed to Schedule. I FELT A LITTLE SAD NOT BEING UBLY TO SICK TO THE PLANS I HAD MADE WHILE PREGNANT, BUT I KNEW IN MY HEART I’D BE A BETTER MOM SUBED. I was Dealing with a Lot of Stress and Postpartum Anxiety and The Lack of Sleep and Feeling of Isolation That’s Common for Moms Who Exclusive Breastfeed, Exacerbated All of It. So eleven again, I let go of my plan and implement an eat, wake, Sleep schedule, that we both took well to.
WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR ME TO GO BACK TO WORK, I WAS NERVOUS ABOUT PUMPING FOR MORE THAN HALF OF HIS FEEDINGS, BUT STILL DETERMINED. I had a high-qualy pump for the time, and a dedicated pumping space, but it was’t long before i realized that i was not going to be uble to pump covech to replace what has had Been Getting Straight from the tap. We Started Using The Freezer Stash for One Bottle a Day, But that Didn’t Last for Very Long and eventually, I had to buy a cardboard of formula. I’M NOT GONNA LIE… IT Hurt. But, my body just didn’t responde well to the breast pump as it did to my baby.
I Did Try Different Settings and Attachments, and was on Milk-Boosting Supplements, Eating Oatmeal, and Drinking Tons of Water, But There Really Wasn’t Anything Else I Could Do. I had to put my Own Emotions asside and do what i had to do to take care of my baby. We Only Needed to Supplement With Three Ounces of Formula a Day, So My Son Was Still Getting Mostly Breast Milk, and As It Turned Out, I Wouledn’t End Up Continuent to Work Full Time for Long. A Couple Months Later, I Left My Job and Started Freelancing.
I continue supplementing for while, and not long after, I have started Eating solid food – which he loved right from the beginning – and it took sum of the pressure off. We Ended Up Having A Wonderful Nursing RELATIONSHIP THAT LASTED Until Just After His First Birthday. He was Happy and Healthy, and the transition was Easy.
A Few Years Later When I Gave Birth To My Second Child, I KNew That I Would Breastfeed Her As Well. I Had Spent A Lot of Time Reflecting on How I Would Handle Being A Mom of Two and What I Needed To do Differently. I KNEW THAT FIGURING OUT TO MANAGE MY STRESS AND ANXIETY WAS STEP ONE. I’d Learned Over The Past Three Years, That A Part of Motherhood Would Always Be Not Being Able to Control and Fix Eventhing.
I WOLD PLAN AND PREPARE, BUT ALSO Give MYSELF PERMISSION TO TAKE THINGS AS THE CAME. That Didn’t Mean I Woold Never Get Upset or Cry Buckets of Tears When Things Didn’t Work Out The I Wanted Them To, It Just Meant That I Wouled Forgive MySelf and Move On When They Didn’t. Ultimately Though, I Went into the Experience Knowing That I had Gotten Through Infancy Once, and That I Would Get Through It Again. This Time, My Confidence Came from A Place of Experience.
I was Lucky Aough to have another unconomplicated work and delivery (Still had anesthesia issues though!). I Gave Birth to a Healthy, Hage Baby Girl on Her Due Date. She was over nine pounds and almost 22 inches, so She Needed More Milk Faster Than My Son Did. She Latched Well, But She was Sleepy and a Little Lazy and Would Stop Trying to Latch If My Milk – Colostrum Really – Didn’t Letdown Right Away. A NuSe Eded Up Giving Me A Little Sugar Water To Put On My Nipple To Keep Her Interest. I’D Never Heard of It, But Didn’s Worry Too Much. I knew we’d have plenty of time to get nursing figured out.
But, as is common for babies her size, by the Next Day She’s Lost Too Much Weight Too Quickly. That Evening, I was found to offer her formula If i wanted US to go home the Next Day. Of Course, I Did It.
Before We Left the Hospital I Calleed in the Lactation Consultant In To Check Her Latch and Assess How We Were Doing and She Saw No Issues. My Milk Ended Up Coming in Later That Day – At Day Three This Time Instead of Five – But I Wanted To Continue Supplementing Until We Checked in With The Pediatrician. After Her One-Week Check Up, We Were Given The All Clear to Stop Supplementing and We Went Home and Settled into Nice-But Vry Frequent-Nursing Routine.
Things Went Smoothly for Awhile, and The My World Came Crashing Down. WHEN MY DAUGTER WAS THREE MOUTHS OLD, MY MOM PASSED AWAY AT JUS 57 YAARS OLD. I was devastated and immedialy Thrown into Several Weeks of Stress. My Little One Handled It All So Well, But It Totally Threw Off our Routine. She Slept Longer and Nursed Less Becouse of Course, There Was Always One More Thing To Get Done Before I Woke Her To Eat.
When Things Finally Calmed Down, We Went To Her Well Visit and Found She Hadn’t Gained Any Weight In A Month. Thanks, There Was No Panic, Since She Hadn’t Lost Any Weight, But Once Again, I Felt Like A Failure.
I ALREADY HAD CONTACTS LINED UP BEFORE I GAVE BIRTH So I Contact An International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBClc) I had Found Through the milk League, and She came to see the Next Day. She Discovered Subject The Lactation Hospital Consultant Had Mised. My Daughter Had Bo Tongue Tie and a lip tieWhich Was Affecting How Efficiently She was Remaking the Milk. She Had Been Doing It With Lots of Effort and Because of Our Frequent Nursings She was Still Gaining Weight Well Enough Until That Routine Was Shaken Up. Because She had a good latch and i snow experienced any discomfort, we had no idea, and we likely wouledn’t have ever Known had it not be ben for the tumultuous time in our lives.
Once Again, I Broke out the breast pump (Instead of Supplementing With Formula), We Got Her Ties Revised, and For Weeks, We Just Kept Pushing Forward. It was exhausting, specially coming off of such an emotional journal in my life, but i stuck with it, and for the must part we continued nursing as if nothing had had had time, though I Did Feed Her More Frequently for a While.
By The Time She was Six or Seven Months Old Though, She Started to Dip on HER Growth Curve. Rather than stress myself out, I Started Supplementing with Thée Same Three Ounces of formulates Day I had Turned to for My Son. But, The Doctors Were Still Concerned She Was’t Gaining Quickly Enough. They Wanned Us Back in For Weight Checks Every Week and eventually Wted to Take A Stool Sample. My mom intuition However, Told Me Enough was angouh.
My girl had continued to Grow Workshop, She was Sleeping Well, Her Hair and Nails were Growing, and She met all of her milestones Early. Beyond that, She was the Happiest Baby. So, I Stopped Going for the Weight checks and Didn’t Do the Stool Sample. I KNEW IN MY HEAD THAT SHE WOULD GAIN THE WEIGHT IN HER OWN TIME AND THAT CHECKING EVERY WEEK WAS JUS TOO MUCH.
She Had Always Been A Physically Active Baby Who Walked AT 10 Months Old. That, Combined with The Knowledge that I was feeding her All Homemade Food and Absolutely No Process Ed Foods, was Engross to Explain Why Her Growth Curve Had Changed. It Felt Like She was under Microscope and Being compared to other Babies rather than being looked athable. By The Time She Hent for Her Next Wellness visit Couple Months Later, no Was Concerned. She was Growing and Developing Beautifully, and Still Mostly on Breast Milk. A Few Days After Her First Birthday, She Stopped Nursing All On Her Own.
I BREASTFED BOS OF MY KIDS FOR A YEAR. Neithher of Host Years were` Without Trials and obstacles to overcomme, but they were to Success. To This Day I Feel A Hage Sense of Accomplishment for persevering and Meeting My Nursing Goals. It was honestly the Small Wins That Got Me Through. With Each Month that passed and each Milestone they met, I grew more and more confident that i’d get to that one-year Mark. Each Day, Week, Month, That We Successfully Nursed, Made ME ME MEE DETERMINED TO KEEP GOING.
Nursing Them forced Me To Learn How To Let Go Of My Expectations and Make Room for New and Beautiful Things, It Taught Me How To Put My Pride Aside and Put Another Human First. It tought me that Even When I Feel Like i’m at My Physical and Emotional Breaking Points, I Can Keep Going. It tought me Early on that no journey into motherofo is perfect and to never let yourself get too comforible as a parent.
Nursing Thue Babies Made ME ME confident and tought me to liste to my intuition just like I’M Sure my ancenors did as they fought for survival this colonization, this Threatened Them. It tought me that i too Will always have the strength to keep going for the you love, and it tought me to always appreciate What my body – and my mind – are ready of.
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